i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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