Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
