Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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