theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
