Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
