planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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