They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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