We're like a lot better than the average bears
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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