you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
