Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
