Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
ttyl tear gas
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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