you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
