Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Pants are for mortals
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
