she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
