I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
