they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
