:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
