No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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