I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
