On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
