That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
