I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
