So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
