she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
