WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
