my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
