We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
