1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ambien. No doubt about it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
