Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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