You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
