I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
