She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
