guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
