I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
