I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
