someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
