I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
