I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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