you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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