I smell stomach acid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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