How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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