Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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