i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
