Cold hands, warm shart.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
