Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I color on your dick again?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
