You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
