Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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