so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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