We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
