i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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