Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is the high leading the old right now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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