Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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