You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
